April 2026

Last updated: April 2026

The Victim Story Is Comfortable. The Hero Story Is Where Your Sales Career Actually Changes.

The victim story in sales is a pattern of externalizing blame — for bad calls, lost deals, poor leads, or difficult circumstances — that feels validating in the moment but removes your power to improve. The hero story is the decision to take ownership of your outcomes regardless of fault, which restores your agency and puts you back in control of your results. The shift between the two is one question: "What am I going to do about this?"

The short answer: As long as you're blaming something outside of yourself for your results, you can't fix anything — because you've placed the solution outside of yourself too. The moment you take ownership, everything starts moving.

I've Spent More Time in the Victim Story Than I'd Like to Admit

Today I'm going to talk about something personal. Not personal to cold calling. Personal to me. Because I think the best way to teach this lesson is to admit that I've had to learn it myself, more than once, and if I'm honest, I'm still working on it.

Here's something I've figured out about myself over the years. When things go sideways in my life — whether it's a relationship, a business deal, a job that isn't working — my first instinct is almost never to ask "what can I fix here?" My first instinct is almost always to find someone or something to blame.

And I'm good at it. I can build a really compelling case for why I've been wronged. I can identify the person who didn't hold up their end. I can point to the circumstances that were stacked against me. I can explain in detail how this wasn't my fault and how unfair the whole situation is.

And then, if I don't catch myself, I do something even worse. I go on what I call a victim PR campaign. I start telling people about it. Friends. Family. Anyone who will listen. I lay out my case. And they do exactly what I'm hoping they'll do — they say "that's awful" and "you don't deserve that" and "I can't believe they did that to you."

This feels good. It feels validating. It feels like I'm right and the world is wrong and at least people see it.

But here's what I've noticed every single time I've done this. Nothing ever gets better. Not one thing.

The situation stays broken. Often it stays broken longer than it needed to because instead of fixing it, I got distracted running a campaign. I spent my time and energy building a case for why I've been treated unfairly instead of spending that same time and energy on the only move that actually changes anything — learning the lesson (because there's always a lesson) and then taking action.

Why Blame Feels So Good

I want to be honest about why blame is so seductive, because if you don't understand why it pulls you in, you won't catch yourself doing it.

This isn't just my observation. Psychologists have studied this extensively. Research published in Personality and Social Psychology Review by Rahav Gabay and colleagues at Tel Aviv University identified four core dimensions of what they call the "tendency for interpersonal victimhood": a constant need for recognition of one's suffering, a sense of moral superiority, reduced empathy for others, and persistent rumination over past offenses (Gabay et al., 2020). In other words, the victim pattern isn't random — it's a self-reinforcing cycle with real psychological rewards.

Blame gives you certainty. When everything feels chaotic, being able to say "this is their fault" gives your brain something solid to hold onto. The situation might be a mess, but at least you know who caused it.

Blame gives you sympathy. When you tell people your victim story, they rally around you. That connection feels like support — like the world acknowledging that you matter and that you've been treated unfairly.

Blame protects your ego. If it's someone else's fault, then you didn't fail. You were failed. That's a much easier story to live with than "I could have done something differently."

All of that feels good in the moment. But none of it fixes anything. It's a painkiller, not a cure. And like any painkiller, it wears off and you need another dose. So you tell the story again. You find another person to validate you. You add another detail to make the case stronger. And the whole time, the actual problem sits there untouched.

How This Company Got Started

I want to tell you something I'm not proud of. Years ago I was in a leadership role I loved at a company I loved. But the environment was unpredictable. Some days things were great — I felt valued, supported, like I was in the right place. Other days the rug felt like it was being pulled out from under me. I never knew which version of the day I was going to get, and I didn't feel like I was in a role I could truly count on.

As time went on, it felt less and less like a role that would help me build the sort of life I'd imagined for my wife and me. The work was good. The people were good. But the situation itself was unstable, and I couldn't see how to build a future on something that felt like it could shift at any moment.

So I did what I always do when I feel stuck. I complained. To my wife. To my friends. To anyone who would listen. For more than a year. I told everyone the story of this unpredictable situation and how unfair it felt. And they all said the right things — "that's terrible," "you deserve better." I collected all that sympathy like it was currency.

But nothing changed. For more than a year, nothing changed. Because I was running a victim PR campaign instead of actually doing something about my situation.

The shift happened when I stopped asking "why is this happening to me" and started asking "what am I going to do about this?" The honest answer was simple. I couldn't control my environment. But I could control me. I could keep depending on a situation I knew I could not depend on, or I could build something of my own.

That something became Automatic Appointments.

And here's what surprised me most. As soon as I knew my future wasn't tied to something unpredictable, everything changed. Not because the situation changed. But because I changed. The victim story didn't end when my circumstances changed. It ended when I did.

The Psychology of Internal vs. External Control

What I'm describing has a name in psychology. Julian Rotter introduced the concept of "locus of control" in 1966 — the degree to which people believe they control the outcomes in their lives versus believing external forces control them. Research consistently shows that people with an external locus of control report lower well-being, higher anxiety, greater depression, and weaker self-control (Rotter, 1966). A Stanford University study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that even just being primed to feel like a victim made participants more likely to exhibit selfish and entitled behavior — they were literally 11% more likely to express self-serving attitudes after being placed in a victimhood frame of mind.

The flip side is equally powerful. People with an internal locus of control — those who believe their actions shape their outcomes — consistently outperform in sales, in school, in health, and in career advancement. Not because they never face unfair situations. But because they focus on what they can control instead of what they can't.

What This Means for Your Daily Cold Calling

Now let me connect this to what you experience every day. Because this plays out in B2B sales appointment setting on a daily basis.

When you have a bad week, what story do you tell? "The leads were garbage." "Nobody's buying right now." "My market is too competitive." "My product is being eliminated by AI." "The economy is killing my sales." "Interest rates are killing my sales." And on and on.

Every one of those puts the problem outside of you — which means the solution is outside of you too — which means you're stuck.

Compare that to: "I had a rough week. My energy was off because I skipped my morning ritual. I need to reset and come back sharper." Or: "I'm struggling with this client's pitch. I need to understand what problem they actually solve so I can talk about it with more conviction."

Same situation. Same bad results. But now you're the one with the power to change it.

I've watched salespeople blame their results on their market for months while someone selling the exact same thing in the exact same market was absolutely crushing it. The difference was never the circumstances. It was one person looking outward for blame and the other looking inward for solutions.

Something can be someone else's fault — or something else's fault — and still be your responsibility to fix. Fault is about the past. Responsibility is about the future. That's where your power lives — in taking responsibility for your future.

The Truth About Fairness

Here's the part that took me a long time to accept. Life is unfair. That's just the truth. And it works both ways.

Sometimes life is unfair against you. People do things that get in your way. Circumstances line up badly. You do everything right and it still doesn't work out.

But sometimes life is unfair in your favor. You catch a break you didn't earn. The right person shows up at the right time. A circumstance that seemed terrible redirects you toward something far better. One time my sales team grew by 50% because a colleague left and there was nobody else to take his reps. I got a $75,000 raise I'd done nothing to earn other than being in the right place at the right time.

That role? That unpredictable situation I complained about for a year? It led me to build this company. But it only led there because I eventually stopped complaining and started building. The detour never reveals itself while you're standing at the closed door complaining about how unfair it was that it closed. It reveals itself when you turn around and start walking.

The One Sentence That Changes Everything

The shift from victim to hero is one sentence. You don't need a book. You don't need a seminar. You need one sentence and the willingness to actually mean it.

"I am in charge of my destiny — no one else — for better or worse — I'm in charge. My messes are my own. So how do I fix this?"

When you catch yourself building a case for why you've been wronged, stop. Say that sentence. And then do something. Take one action. Make one change. Have one conversation. Move one inch forward.

I spent more than a year complaining about a boss I couldn't control. You know what fixed it? Not the complaining. Not the sympathy. Not being right about how unfair it was. What fixed it was the day I decided to take my career into my own hands and build something that couldn't be taken away by someone else's bad day.

That's available to you too. Not just with your career. With every call session. With every bad call. With every frustrating day. The victim story keeps you staring at the problem. The hero story puts you in motion toward the solution.

You are not a victim of your leads, your clients, your circumstances, or your bad days. You are a professional with the power to adjust, adapt, and take action. The sooner you believe that, the sooner everything starts moving in the right direction.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is a victim story in sales? A victim story in sales is a narrative pattern where a salesperson attributes poor results to external factors — bad leads, a difficult market, unresponsive prospects, or an unfair situation — rather than looking for what they can control and change. Psychologists connect this to an "external locus of control," a well-studied concept introduced by Julian Rotter in 1966 that consistently correlates with lower performance and higher anxiety across professional settings.

What is the difference between the victim story and the hero story? The victim story focuses on what happened to you and who is to blame. The hero story focuses on what you're going to do about it. Both acknowledge that bad things happen — the difference is where you direct your energy afterward. The victim story keeps you stuck because it places the solution outside your control. The hero story puts you in motion because it places the solution in your hands.

How does blame affect B2B sales performance? When salespeople blame external factors for their appointment setting results, they surrender control to things they can't influence — lead quality, prospect mood, market conditions. This creates a psychological loop where improvement feels impossible because the "problem" is always outside of them. Research shows that people with an external locus of control report lower well-being, weaker self-control, and poorer professional outcomes compared to those who believe their actions shape their results.

Can something be someone else's fault and still be my responsibility? Yes. Fault and responsibility are two different things. Fault looks backward at who caused a problem. Responsibility looks forward at who is going to fix it. In B2B sales, the leads might actually be harder to reach this week — that's real. But taking responsibility means asking what you can adjust: your timing, your energy, your opening, your follow-up strategy. That's where your power to change outcomes lives.

How do I catch myself in a victim story? The clearest signal is the victim PR campaign — when you start telling people about how you've been wronged and collecting sympathy instead of taking action. When you notice the urge to build a case for why something isn't your fault, ask yourself three questions: What do I own in this situation? What can I do about it right now? What's one action I can take in the next 24 hours to move forward?

About the Author: Joe Schneider is CEO of Automatic Appointments, a B2B appointment setting company that helps salespeople and business owners fill their calendars with qualified sales meetings. With 24 years of experience in cold calling, direct sales, and building appointment setting teams across dozens of industries, Joe writes about the strategies, mindset, and systems that drive real results on the phones. Learn more about our team.

Ready to stop cold calling and start closing? Automatic Appointments provides outsourced B2B appointment setting services — our team handles the prospecting, cold calling, and follow-up so your calendar stays full of qualified meetings. Schedule a call with our team or contact us here.

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